2018 Power Rankings Wk. 1-2

 

G48XPWT

 

 

 

Live everyday…

 

…like you know you’re goin get got, but you’re goin get mine more than you get got doe. 

 

 

 

 

Thought about not doing the rankings this year considering it takes forever and because no one reads the rankings when we git to the middle weeks.

If we’re being brutally honest, probs the biggest reason I thought about not doing these is because my doctor switched me to a different adderall medication because it helped with my insurance or some shit and it doesnt work as well. The only thing I can focus on is playing Fifa for 12 straight hours.

images

 

Richard Sherman committed to Stanford on the contingency that they would supply him with an endless supply of addy because he would’ve gotten a -10.0 GPA without addy and professor study guides.

 

 

 

RIP </3

But it’s not goodbye, it’s see you later (you already know I am having my doctor next month switch me back). So next month I’ll be back to focusing on things that are NOT actually school work I need to do, such as feverishly writing these rankings.

Adderall_0acd87_4442232

Anyway, let’s get to it.

The curse of number one:

Whether you’re superstitious or a little stitious, there was a strange pattern that emerged. If you we’re ranked #1 for a couple of weeks in the PR, your team was bound endure some misfortune to follow.

Dave got ranked 1st in the first two weeks.

  • He lost the season, resulting in the grueling punishment of getting more tan and getting hit on by the ladies at Parker House because of it. Torturous Punishment.

Pete was ranked 1st.

  • And then ODBJ got hurt. And then A-Rog got hurt. And then Zeke got suspended.

Mike was ranked 1st.

  • Went on a 3 game losing streak .

I was ranked 1st

  • Lost to Conor.

Chris was ranked 1st

(despite a slow start, I thought he was finally catching fire mid-season bc he put up 111+ points in 4/5 games.)

  • Next two games: put up 65 pts in a loss to the league loser, put up 70 pts in loss to league winner.

Alex was ranked 1st

  • 3 game streak of not breaking 80 pts, dropped from 2nd to 4th in points for. Prpbably.

 

  1. Alex

Despite not knowing the outcome of Pete and Alex’s shootout, I think Alex has the best team at this time.

I didnt pick Kamara because I was worried about his touches and goal line opportunities, but until Ingram comes back, Kamara gets everything. Hella TD’s and Hella yards, especially in the passing game

KC run game looked atrocious. Mahomey fucking loves Tyfreak. If that keeps up Tyreek Hill might be the #1 overall WR.

Cousins was his typical good not great self, but he defintely has more options in Minnesota at WR.

giphy (3)

If any WR scored 10 points a game garunteed, I’d snag em in a heartbeat. Thielen is your typical 1 TD and 50 yards recieving white WR.

Devonta didnt look hot, but he is still a top 10-15 RB that goes off every other week.

Jimmy Graham falling victim to packer’s TE curse, but Alex isnt worried because Jordan Reed is back (?)(

Also on his bench we’re: Carlos Hyde (12 pts), JArvis Landry was targeted a billion times (10 pts), and ADRIAN FUCKING PETERSON IS A LEAD, WORKHORSE BACK FOR THE REDSKINS AND ACTUALLY MIGHT BE FUCKING GOOD AGAIN (20 pts– 26 carries, 96 yards and 1 TD).

Plus he has Luck if Kirk goes below average. So yeah.

2. David

Put Dave over Pete here because, for the time being, as long as Le’veon bell is without a contract, Dave’s team is looking solid.METALrodgers_medium

 

A-Rog being A-rog.

 

Saquon was the bright light of the Gints offense. Keenan Allen was so good last year…dude is officially back.

I can’t believe the Lamar Miller or Demaryius Thomas hype yet, but James Conner getting half the points of what he did yesterday puts Dave at 110+ a game

3. Pete

Finally we list the prodigal son. Though he might beat Alex, every single person on his team showed up to to do their jobs. No one went off. They all basically outscored their projections by a couple of points.

His team shows that if everything clicks, it can be solid and score in the 120’s. But I fear David Johnson’s ability to produce on an offense so shitty as the cardinals. Mixon having a 20 pt game is like seeing Haley’s Comet. And Julio and TY Hilton had great games this week…can they produce that every week?

I very well could eat my words next week lmao. He does have prophet on his side:

dIji8Ot

4. Mike

Brees was A1 to Michael Thomas.

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It was the performance that lived up to all the hype between the two. AJ green is eh and has a fumbling problem, but still, he’s always in the top 5 WR discussion.

Despite shitty RB play, his WR’s, QB, and top scoring Vikings defense put him at 109 points (and that’s with 2 AJ green fumbles and negative scoring from Gillislee).

For now, Mike might have RB issue. But once Le’veon returns to his roster, he’s easily in the #1 conversation. But now I wonder if I am sticking my neck out by putting Mike at 4 without Leveon

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Ha!

5. Sean

Really the only remaining team with a somewhat respectable outing.

Cam was eh, but Melvin Gordon on the chargers is too juicy. Ajayi is “taking on a role similar to lagerrette blount when he was with the Patriots.” Ajayi is a decent sub for my Mckinnon injury, but he is probs going to be TD dependent because he’s in a committe. I got lucky he scored 2 touchdowns.

Not a great showing by my WR’s but that’s because Deshaun fucking sucks and so does sam bradford.

I ain’t worried though because Chris Thompson is back to being the GOAT recieving runningback, and the Raven’s defense always helps me out of a jam.

6. Chris

Daily Double was disappointed in his team this week but honestly, I think this was just an unfortunate week for bousshbo.

Image result for todd gurley funny

With Gurley left to play, his RB2 Jordan Howard put up a solid 10 points–double what he scored all of last year. Davante Adams had 14 points which is all you can ask for in a WR. When Alshon comes back (and wentz), Chris is set with his RB RB WR WR combo. And He has a choice between Rivers and Mahomes, both scored 28 points. His front office is set.

Chris’s score looks atrocious now because two of his player’s went out with injuries and did not return, and the saints earned him -9 points. With 56 pts, if TG2 scores his projection, he’ll have 72 points. If the saints did literally nothing, he’d have 81 points. Assuming Goodwin and Njoku don’t get hurt, in addition to not playing the saints, easily Chris would’ve scored 90+ points. And that’s with Hogan being shit today too.

7. Conor

Conor is better off than the rest of these hooligans below because his core four are better than what they did this week.

Dalvin Cook’s stats would look very different if he hadnt lost a fumble and gotten a few plays called back.

All of the bills sucked dick today. Couldnt do shit. You can’t blame Lesean for that. He always bounces back.

Screen-Shot-2018-08-18-at-11.36.21-AMMcCoy-1-500x375

 

 

 

When you first star dating

 

 

 

 

 

when you’ve been dating for a year and have to keep yo bish in line

 

 

 

I hate his WB situation between Goff and Jimmy G, but ODBJ is a safe double digit scorer…and Josh Gordon and JuJu smitch-schuster might be only okay seperated, but together, they make 1 good WR.

8. Mark

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OG mandime

 

Mark has TB12 and AB which alone will get him usually around 40-50 points a game garunteed. Everything else is week in and week out.

I had kareem last year and while his final season numbers we’re good, all I have are nightmares of how streaky he was. He either scores 40 points or no points. It depends if Andy Reid feels like running it a lot or throwing it a lot.

I hate doug baldwin. Everyone else thinks he;s solid. but he might be hurt.

It’ll be interesting to see if Marshawn does well with Gruden, but in any case, Mark has the upperhand on Jim and Mead because of his potential to soar if Kareem, Lynch, TB12 and AB all produce what we know they can.

9. Jim

Tentaviely, Jim is 9th. Depending on how well Amari Cooper and Robby Anderson do under new offensive changes.

Deshaun in a sophomore slump…?

Obviously, Zeke will be Zeke. Destruction.

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Mike Evans had a big game as the saints and Bucs we’re ina shootout. I’d like to see how he does against a different team/defense. But I don’t really think I would trust Evans to score 10+ weekly right now…he was too atrocious last year.

Dont need to see Crowell play on the Jets, I know he’ll suck. Biggest fucking disappointment to me last year.

Frankly, right now I can’t trust Deshaun, Amari Cooper, Evans, Crowell week in and week out. Jim NEEDS Amari and Mike Evans to have bounce back years.

Mahomes doesnt target Kelce. Good 3rd round pick.

Jim’s team: Zeke vs. All

10. Mead

Woof.

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How everyone else looks at Mead’s team
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How mead looks at mead’s team

Hot start for Brick Bohemiath as Big Ben scores a chunk blowing 8 pts, Fournette goes out with a hamstring injury, Ertz clearly can’t do shit with Foles behind center, McCaffrey somehow got whiter,  and even Stefon Diggs is worrisome as he was TD dependent with only 6 targets (compared to Thielen’s 12 targets) under Kirk. Spread the ball Kirk.

Mead has Kenny Stills (22 pts) and Dion Lewis (16 pts) on his bench, but we know they’re untrustworthy.

Right now, I just dont see a shining light for Mead. Hopefully MArvin Jones Jr. puts up numbers tonight to offer a little hope.

 

Live long MBL. Good luck. Let’s get after it. Another season of greatness

Draft Day RESULTS–From Best to Worst

Dave (AVERAGE RANK: 5.3)

1.       Dave

2.       Pete

3.       Sean

4.       Mark

5.       Jimmy

6.       Mike

7.       Alex

8.       Conor

9.       Chris

10.    Mead

1ST) PETE

(ADP: 2.3)

 

 

2ND) SEAN

(ADP: 3.9)

Conor (AVERAGE RANK: 8.6)

1.       Pete

2.       Sean

3.       Mark

4.       Dave

5.       Alex

6.       Mead

7.       Conor

8.       Mike

9.       Chris

10.    Jim

Pete (AVERAGE RANK: 2.3)

1.       me

2.       Dave

3.       mike

4.       mark

5.       Chris

6.       Sean

7.       alex

8.       Conor

9.       jim

10.    mead

3RD) ALEX

(ADP: 4.6)

 

 

 

 

4TH) MIKE

(ADP: 4.9)

Chris (AVERAGE RANK: 5.8)

1.       Pete

2.       Chris

3.       Mark

4.       Mead

5.       Alex

6.       Sean

7.       Jim

8.       Dave

9.       Mike

10.    Conor

Mead (AVERAGE RANK: 7.9)

1.       Alex

2.       Chris

3.       Sean

4.       mike

5.       Pete

6.       me

7.       jim

8.       Mark

9.       Dave

10.    Conor

5TH) MARK

(ADP: 5.1)

 

 

 

6TH) DAVE

(ADP: 5.3)

 

Mike (AVERAGE RANK: 4.9)

1.       Alex

2.       Chris

3.       Pete

4.       Mike

5.       Sean

6.       Dave

7.       Jim

8.       Conor

9.       Mead

10.    Mark

Mark (AVERAGE RANK: 5.1)

1.       Pete

2.       Sean

3.       Dave

4.       Mike

5.       Me

6.       Jim

7.       Mead

8.       Chris

9.       Conor

10.    Alex

7TH)CHRIS

(ADP: 5.8)

 

 

 

 

8TH) JIM

(ADP: 6.4)

 Sean (AVERAGE RANK: 3.9)

1.       Mike

2.       Pete

3.       Sean

4.       Mark

5.       Dave

6.       Chris

7.       Alex

8.       Jim

9.       Conor

10.    Mead

Alex (AVERAGE RANK: 4.6)

1.       Alex

2.       Mike

3.       Petey

4.       Jim

5.       Chris

6.       Sean

7.       Mark

8.       Conor

9.       Dave

10.    Mead

9TH) MEAD

(ADP: 7.9)

 

 

 

 

10) WEED

(ADP: 8.6)

James (AVERAGE RANK: 6.4)

1.       Jim

2.       Alex

3.       Mark

4.       Pete

5.       Sean

6.       Dave

7.       Mead

8.       Mike

9.       Conor

10.    Chris

Last Regular Season Power Rankings

Absolutely loved the regular season. Love being your commissioner, and I love this league. And I appreciate the guys who read this every week, even though it isn’t the best weekly content, it’s filled with love, and that is what counts. And also I am in first…that defintely helps with motivation. I wonder if I would keep up with this if I was in Dave’s spot. Probably, I love this league too much to the point where I think I am becoming a #BavaroWinner, but a #RealLifeLoser.

Just before we begin, I have decided that the icon for our lovely league shall be a picture of the reigning, defending champion, as they deserve the title being the face of our league. The beef face icon is in full effect.

Current Crap:

Final Regular Szn Power Rankings Overall Rankings/Standings
1st Michael Michael Gowen 1st Sean
2nd Sean 2nd Alex
3rd Alex 3rd Michael
4th Mark 4th Scamming Gammond
5th Conor 5th Marky Mark
T-6th Mead 6th Jimbo
T-6th Chris 7th Mr. Meedee
8th Jim 8th Chris Korn
9th Pete 9th Reef and Beef
10th David Elenor 10th David Elenor Tan Groff
DFC STANDINGS PFC STANDINGS
1st Alex 1st Sean
2nd Jim 2nd Michael Michael Gowen
T-3rd Chris 2nd Conor
T-3rd Pete 2nd Mark
5th David Elenor 5th Mead
RANK/TEAM POINTS
1st Sean 1,117
2nd Michael Michael Gowen 1,1106
3rd Mead 1,077
4th Alex 1,053
5th Chris the Kornheiser 1,036
6th Conor 1,014
7th Reef and Beef 994
8th Marky Mark 955
9th Jimbo 954
10th David 849

1st) Chaz Michael Michael Gowen (6-6)

…skates his way to the top of the rankings. I am about 90% sure he’ll make the playoffs, though he is 6-6 and has to play Mead, who is on a hot streak. I think Mike’s team is the best because he has just barely fewer points than me, and a LOT more points against me.

Yes, Mike is on a two game losing streak, but both weeks were heartbreaking losses. All you can ask for is 110+ point games, which his last two were. His team is hot right now, ad I think he is gonna make a run in the playoffs.

2nd) The Commish (9-3)

Throwing my self at second because, yes I am doing well, but I am pessimistic. To start, my Redskins players shat the bed this Thursday, so I definitely might lose. Secondly, Kareem Hunt is not a weekly starter, and now I have to choose between Samaje Perine, Kenyon Drake, Tevin Coleman, and Frank Gore as a low-end RB2. And Lesean, AJ green, and Keenan Allen are super inconsistent. Basically I need em to stay hot.

I grew out the palyoff mustache for the run:

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 5.56.41 AM

Unfortunately, at that angle, I look like Ben McAdoo so I am a little worried about the playoffs.

How I actually look vs. How I think I look

3rd) Alex (8-4)

Could not put Alex first or second because of his “win” against the crapshoot Dave Groff. Alex scathed by and just put up a few teams. Like my team, everyone is super inconsistent on Alex’s squad.

Alex actually only has the 4th most points. He has only one game of 100+ points, six games of under 90 points, and six games at the 90+ point mark. So he’s all over the place. Huge matchup for Chris, though it doesn’t really affect Alex as he definitely makes it to the semifinals no matter what.

4th) Mark (6-6)

I know Marky Mark’s team sits only at 6-6 with only the 7th most points (955), his 3 game hot streak has landed him at the 5th place spot in the playoff bracket, currently. Though that could change, Mark has reason to be optimistic as his team got hot at the right time.

Though I don’t love the players on his team, they keep producing–it’s hard to argue with the numbers. Mark scored 93, 109, and 112 points during his recent 3 game win streak, averaging 104.666666666667 per outing.

It’s a good time for Big Ben to get hot.

5th) Conor (6-6)

Conor’s monstrous game propelled him to a 4th place spot in the current playoff bracket. Though 171 points is just an incomprehensible amount, I have Conor at 5th because I don’t think he’ll thrive in the playoffs–though it is looking like he’ll make it in the bracket (currently 4th).

To start, anyone that sends this text cannot win our league:

Conors text lol

Literally, wtf were you thinking when you typed that out. I think you meant: Most points in a single game, weed guy.

Secondly, Julio Jones before this game was the 15th WR. His huge game put him all the way up at 3rd. Julio Jones is not gonna do anything near that ever again…I honestly think it might just be a one and done type game… a stat booster.

Joe Mixon’s first good game of the year! Yay! He won’t suck the rest of the year! oh wait, he will.

Lastly, this prick has a favorable schedule the last few weeks, but throws picks like a motherfucker and never does well for a long string of games:

I dare him to get 28 points again. Alvin Kamara… yeah, he’s good. There’s your bright spot.

T-6th) Mead 

Mead and Chris’s team are tied because they are so similar of team’s. They both are so boom or bust, both have solid names on their teams, both are 5-7 and both have tough games this last week to try and thwart them into the playoffs and out of punishment potential.

Mead’s inconstancy the last three games: 51 points, 126 points, 115 points. Literally will have an awful week, and then score almost 2.5x more the next week.

Also, Mead said just a few words that shook the entire league for a few hours, only to find out were all really, really dumb and never counted:

Mead's text lol

T-6th) Chris

Everything you need to know about Chris’s team was said in Mead’s column. Once ranked #1 in the Power Rankings, the inconsistency of his squad has caused him to fall. It’s the curse of first, I tell ya…everyone loses when they’re put first.

Anyway, Chris’s team and Mead’s team both have been inconsistent, causing them to be middle of the pack with serious upside. Both could get into the playoffs. Chris’s last 8 games just show the inconsistency:

  • Week 5: 66 pts
  • Wk 6: 115 pts
  • Wk 7:  114 pts
  • Wk 8: 74 pts
  • Wk 9:  111 pts
  • Wk 10: 122 pts
  • Wk 11: 65 pts
  • Wk 12: 70 pts

AKA: super low, very high, very high, very low, very high, super high, super low, very low.

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 5.11.58 AM

The line graph looks  like a child scribbling with a crayon.

Nervous though about Chris’s team this week: he’s risking it to get the biscuit, starting Josh McCown, Cooper Kupp, and McCaffrey over Devonta Freeman. Let’s goooooo Barn.

8th) Jim (6-6)

Jim is in the playoffs right now, but he just hasn’t scored well at all lately. Jim is 9th in points (954) and is on a downwards trend. Since week 7, his squad has averaged only 70.33333 points per game. Jim only has one game in the 100+ point category, and only two in the 90+ area–everything else is under that.

I literally do not know how he has scathed by to 6th. Getting knocked out of the playoffs is very possible for Jim, though I hope he beats Conor.

Screen Shot 2017-10-24 at 7.40.12 PM

Sad!

9th) Pete

Abysmal. I don’t think I need to explain the meltdown that happened to Beeeeeef after losing O’dell, A-Rog, and Zeke. Huge game against Dave will secure him out of the punishment, but a playoff birth is very unlikely.

Coincidence? I THINK NOT. That’s an “incredible” references for all you uneducated monkeys.

I THINK NOT

I cant figure out how to embed this god damn thing.

10th) Dave

Last in points, last in record, last in Beef appearances. Maybe the spray tan will give that florida glow we were all expecting him to come back with after Freshman year.

Screen Shot 2017-10-24 at 7.40.00 PM
Me and my best friend, we’re all misunderstood. They say we TAN for nothing and, there’s no way we ever could

See some of you in the playoffs. Got some mighty content in store for the future.

Everyone’s Head to Head Advantages and the Tanning Bed Diagram

Everyone’s head to head record’s EXCEPT Alex and Sean, as they have clinched.

Dave(4-8)

Head to Head Over: Chris, Conor, Mark

Last Game: Pete (5-7)

Pete (5-7)

Head to Head Over: Conor (and Dave, but still with a game to play)

Last Game: Dave (4-8)

Conor (6-6)

Head to Head Over: Mead, Chris (and Jim, but plays another weekend)

Last Game: Jim (6-6)

Jim (6-6)

Head to Head Over: Mead, Dave

Last Game: Conor (6-6)

Mead (5-7)

Head to Head Over: Dave, Pete

Last Game: Mike (6-6)

Mike (6-6)

Head to Head Over: Jim, Dave, Pete

Last Game: Mead (5-7)

Mark (6-6)

Head to Head Over: Mark, Mead, Mike

Last Game: Sean (9-3)

Chris (5-7)

Head to Head Over: Mark, Mead, Mike

Last Game: Alex (8-4)

 

The Tanning Bed Conondrum on Everyone’s Mind

Everyone is wondering what to expect if Dave wins/Pete loses this weekend, and Chris and Mead lose, leaving four teams at (5-8). This problem must be dealt with ASAP as this outcome is very likely considering Pete’s team is putting up points in the 50’s each week, and both Chris and Mead have tough matchups.

If All these teams finish at (5-8), this is the Head to Head Situation:

Dave has head to head over Chris,

Chris has head to head over Mead,

Mead has head to head over Dave,

Mead has head to head over Pete.

 

Here is a Diagram

Diagram

 

A name pointed at another means that person has the head to head record over the other. So for example, Mead has the head to head over pete.

 

Of course, all of this will be moot if Dave loses, or if Mead and Chris win.

 

 

Power Rankings Weeks 11-12

Happy Thanksgiving League Members. I know that we joke all the time and smack talk is integral to our league, but I love this league with all my heart. We are different from every other league because we all put forth the effort. I am proud.

Fantasy Genesis: 

Was the Pilgrim’s religious freedom worth it? You left because you feared persecution for not being members of the Church of England. But you constantly fear an attack from the savage, barbaric Natives anyway–the Indians. You knew they were not from India, but you said fuck it and decided to call them Indians anyway.

You thought you’d have more food here in New England, but it is bloody fucking cold and you can’t plant jack shit on the land. You were studying to be a plumber, how the hell do you plant anything?

You are constantly sick, and constantly tired. There is an old lady in the town that just sort of stands there and stares at you, and you can’t seem to get away from her. She is so scary, the way she watches you like that.  She is in your nightmares, so you called her a witch and burned her. Now you’re a killer, on top of dealing with starvation, sickness, your starving kids, and crippling depression.

And to top it off, you are pretty sure one of the Mayflower’s crew members fucked your wife.

Then, Squanto came, and he said:

“ee-nay-chuck, we’ll show how to live you cucks. In exchange, you will help us set up our Fantasy League… does this tickle your intrigue? We Indians invented the art of timing our rhyming.”

And so, the Pilgrims explained that for a Fantasy league to exist, they must first set up the  NFL. And so, the creation of the Football, the NFL, and Fantasy leagues was celebrated between the two groups during the feast of Thanksgiving. The

The first Fantasy League’s commissioner was deemed John Smith.

And at the finale of the meal, the Indians asked that an NFL team be named the “Redskins” and that they be “America’s team.”

And then the Cowboys went West and demolished all of the Native Americans, and the Cowboys created their own team, ousting the Resdkins, and self-proclaiming that they are America’s team for the “white man.”

Now, we celebreate the creation of Football and Fantasy Football every Thanksgiving. True Story.


Don’t Call it A Cumback

As the clock wound down, I prayed for a Blair Walsh miss so that the C-Hawx would lose to the Falcons.

Antonio Brown put up an absurd 32 points last Thursday. It looked grim for my team. A win looked unlikely.

Come Monday, Stealth was up 110-76. He projected at 115, and I projected at a meager 102. But low and behold, Russ the Bus Willy is Silly went nuts scoring Touchdown’s and ran for an insane amount of yards. It was like having an extra runninback play along with my QB.

When Krispy Kareem took the lead of 117-115 and Blair Walsh went out to kick the field goal, I prayed he’d miss, so that the game wouldn’t go into overtime. I did not want the risk of Mike’s Seahawks D/ST to get a chance to overturn anything or get any points.

And his pussy little leg couldn’t reach the field goal. Game over, Krispy wins.

Quickie

1st) Alex
2nd) Kornheiser
TIE 3rd)  Sean
TIE 3rd) Stealth
5th) Mead
6th) Mark
7th) Pete
8th) Jim
9th) Dave
10th) Conor

So far, every time I have placed a team first (except for Alex), they have disappointed dramatically in the game(s) afterward:

PR Weeks one to three (Dave ranked #1): Went on 7 games losing streak
PR Weeks four to seven (Mike 1st): Went on a 3 game losing streak
PR Weeks eight to nine (Me 1st): Went on 3 game losing streak
PR Week ten (Chris 1st): Scored 65 in loss to Dave.

1st) The Underdog
Alex really doesn’t ever really put up bad numbers. His lows are like in the high 80s.  He scored 113 this week and will secure his first place in the DFC. Chris Thompson being out hurts and Mariota isn’t all that great, but Le’Veon and his WR’s put up big numbers. Especially Cooks, 3 Thomas has been eh.

2nd) Kornheiser
Kristoff was #1 in the rankings, but had a rough week, mainly attributed to the insanely talented New York Giants lockdown of Alex Smith. And also, the Rams scored him -5 points.

And Honestly just looking at Boushbo’s team, the names are all reputable big scorers: Freeman, Ingram, Jordan Howard, Alshon, Stefon Diggs, Jerrick McKinnon, Dez Bryant, Kelvin Benjamin

TIE 3rd) Mike
Now this is being done before tonight’s game of which I have Russel Wilson left and Tevin Coleman–who is starting.

But Mikes team is back. He just went through a rough patch with Byes. Gurley, Lamar Miller, and Antonio Brown is hard to beat. Brees is not playing insanely well like he usually does because the Saints have been running the ball well, but when he puts up 20 points, Mike definitely will get 100+ production from those four.

TIE 3rd) Sean
WHAT A COMEBACK W!!!! RUSSEL WILSON YOU ARE GODLY. All his praying has paid off. In any case, I scathed by with a 117 point to 115 point win over Mike. It was evenly matched. Who would’ve thought I would come back for the W with only 76 points going into the Monday night game. Russell and Tevin Colenan putting up 41 points. Russ put the seahawks and the Krispy Kareem’s on his back.

5th) Mead
126 Points in one week is so good. Marvin Jones has been doing really well, Davante Adams is the #1 in GB, Wentz being Wentz, and Kenny Stills truly does love Matt Moore. And Melvin Gordon is the goat and Top5, but again, Adams and Stills easily can bust, so we shall see. Overall, things looking up.

6th) Mark

Screen Shot 2017-11-20 at 11.36.17 AMMark’s team is back like Jesus. If he can put up the numbers he has been doing, then he could make a run for the playoffs. He definitely has a chance now at 5-6. I keep saying, “okay, but there is no way Mark’s team can keep up those numbers.” But then he keeps putting up 90+ numbers.

7th) James
I have not put Jim’s team too high recently because he just hasn’t put up good numbers recently. 87, 76,80, 69,46 the last 5 weeks. Fortunately, that number is trending upwards. The shining spots on the team are fournette, TB12, and DeAndre Hopkins. Unfortunately, fournette has been missing games due to being a dick and injuries, and still didn’t do too hot last game. And Hopkins has suffered brutally because of Tom Savage. And Mike Evans hasn’t scored 10+ points since week 7.

8th) Pete
I think that this proves how much the loss of Zeke and A-Rog does. Dak is a good backup to Aaron, but is still nowhere near as good. -2 points last night, woof.

9th) Dave
Finally, dave puts up numbers!Ajayi is great on the eagles and Latavius Murray was a huge add. I partly have Dave ahead of Conor because of how bad conor has been at managing.

10th) Conor
Conor put at 10th because of the blatant mismanagement and absurdly wrong miscalculations. Nate Peterman, woof. Conor got rid of Lag Blount, Mark Ingram, and Latavius Murray (who has been killing TD’s) and Russel Wilson who is #1 right now. Mixon can’t top 15 points. And Jordy Nelson and Julio Jones aren’t doing well, and Marqise Lee just had a little hot streak, but couldn’t get it going this weekend.

 Screen Shot 2017-11-21 at 2.38.09 PM.png
A possible explanation as to the awful managing of Need to Get it Together? The Weedman: The weed’s grand return.

Announcements and Issues

Announcements

As commissioner of this fine league, I have decided to change my official title. Effective immediately, the title of Commissioner will henceforth be known as Supreme Chief Commandant Director-Master Administrator-Governor of Bavaro Supervision, Or S.C.C.D.M.A.G.B.S. McNamara.

I want to give a big thank you to everyone that made this possible, mainly this page: “50 Synonyms for ‘Leader'” on Daily Writing Tips. Go take a look, it’s as boring as you might think. Like a dictionary. Or thesaurus.

ISSUES

Dues

Just as a reminder, PAY YOUR FUCKING DUES. Anyone who hasn’t paid their dues by the end of the regular season will forcibly removed from the Mark Bavaro League. This is a league of Extraordinary managers, not GM’s-who-pay-their-dues-late-and-are-only-ordinary–hold the extra.

The 2016 Capital Punishment Enactment

The regular season play is officially 75% finished (it’s actually 76.923077% finished, only counting game days–not including day by day…Literally 10-games/13-games= 76.923077%).

Any-who, I’d like to pose a few considerations as this season nears its end. As the league’s representative–elected to be the spoken voice of the league’s concerns, I ask the managers to discuss with me on a couple of hot issues.

First and foremost, Jim must take the bus. I think we all agree that Jim cannot draft unless he has served his penance. Otherwise, we must look into other manager options. I know that the offense coordinator in the Gowen house-hold, Matty Ice, is looking for a Head Coaching or GM position.

Secondly, regarding Jimmy, we have given him opportunities time and time again. The Gammond Administration allowed that the bus be moved from Ohio to Eerie, and then Eerie to Pittsburgh. I even offered up the keys to my apartment–should he want a night of rest before heading home–or I’d host him if I were living in Pittsburgh. To show the new, strong hand of discipline of this administration, we must convey that this egregious bus-avoidance will not be tolerated. I hold that a smaller, supplemental pnunishment be enforced. Maybe Jim wear a dress on the bus, or go hammered, or wear a shirt that says, “I lost Bavaro Fantasy Football.”

Thirdly, we must discuss a deadline for Jim’s bus adventure, in addition to how his punishment will be embursed.

The 2017 Punishment

The last issue I want to keep fresh in your minds is the spray painting of Bavaro’s 10th Place Manager’s skin.

Unfortunately for whomever loses (Dave), due to the catastrophic lack of implementation of Jim’s 12 hour bus-sentence, we must ensure that this issue never occur again. That is why the league will require the punishment be served before next year’s draft–only allowing for extreme extenuating circumstances will there be any sort of tolerance–and any excuses must be approved by a 75% vote of managers, with atleast a six manager quoroum. I can promise you that during my tenure as SCCDMAGBS, I will never let last year’s administrative collapse happen again.

Ok we need to figure out where to get a spray tan, when that person is getting it, how much it will cost, what color to choose, how permanent we want it, and whether or not we want to write something on the person’s body (I.e. like tape the word “bavaro” to to the loser’s back so that when the tan is done, weremove the tape so it says ‘bavaro’ in pale ass letters).

Divisions

I know a lot of people wanted new divisions this year, but it couldnt happen because we couldn’t swing the caucus vote–plus some liked their rivalries, and the DFC is a madhouse.

Anyway, I put our names in a radnomizer and refreshed it 10 times. The first 5 names would be in the DFC, and the last 5 names would be in the PFC. Of course, this is all just conjecture and is hypotheical for now. We have time to discuss. Peep–there’s a suprise ending.

Just learned how to do this and really wanted to give it a go. Anyway, if we don’t like them or don’t think they’re different enough they can obviously be changed, but the randomizer split the divisions:

DFC

PFC

Man Dime

Mead

Conor

Pete

Alex

Chris

Dave

Jim

Mike

Sean


 

That is all for tonight. It has been a pleasure serving as your commissioner so far. I hope this sparks some debate and discussion. Love when the MBL group chat is active. I am always trying to improve Bavaro, which is seemingly a fool’s errand because Bavaro is already flawless.

Remember to do your pets a favor, get them nuetered and spade.

See you all next week at Friday Fastiggi Fight Night.

Sean McNamara

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Supreme Chief Commandant Director-Master Administrator-Governor of Bavaro Supervision of the Mark Bavaro League 

Power Rankings Week 10-11

Can’t wait to see you pumpkins over Thanksgiving. I give thanks to you, and I also give fantasy football beat downs. And I am thankful for those beat downs.

Didn’t write rankings for last week. So lets just say these were week 9-10’s rankings:

Week 9-10

  1. Alex
  2. Sean
  3. Chris
  4. Mike
  5. Pete
  6. Mead
  7. Conor
  8. Jim
  9. Mark
  10. Dave

**If you want an explanation, feel free to not text me. It really doesn’t matter.

Week 10-11 Quick list

1st) Kornheiser

2nd) Alex

3rd) Sean

4th) Pete

5th) Mike

6th) Mead

TIE 7th) Conor

TIE 7th) Mark

9th) Jim

10th) Dave

 

 

My tired, don’t-really-feel-like-explaining, Explanations.

1st–Korn

Has only one game less than 110 points in the last 5 weeks. I think. I didn’t check, but I think it’s the last 5 weeks.

2nd) Alex

Tied for 2nd best record with Mike, usually scores over 90. Makes good adjustments.

3rd) Me

Best record but my team isn’t first anymore because I haven’t put up good numbers recently. Little worried about Kareem and Lesean. I fucking suck I cannot believe I lost to conor. I am collapsing.

4th) Pete

Somehow keeps putting up near 100-point games. Very boom or bust. Still, it’s wild.

5th) Mike

I once thought he had the best team. I don’t really know what is happening. Well, Brees isn’t playing like Drew Brees. There’s one. Still, the numbers don’t lie, even though he’s got the 2nd best record.

6th) Mead

Good Dub against me. What the hell happened against Mark?

TIE 7th) Conor

Conor has the ability to put up numbers but tends to disappoint, week in and Week out. Also, your name is the only one not aligned to the center. That has got to mean something.

TIE 7th) Dime

Mark can no longer be considered trash as he is not in last anymore. Somehow, Mark tends to put up respectable numbers. So the Dime climbs the Power Rankings.

9th) Jim

Now I know Jim’s team is usually considered one of the better squads, but Jim just hasn’t put up big enough numbered in the last like 4 weeks. I’d like to be proven wrong next week and move him back up the rankings.

10th) Dave

Just can’ catch a break—The last in standings and the last in rankings. I can’t believe Dave started out 2-0. Going 1-7 the last 8 weeks is just rough.

 

Adios Gerentes.