As commissioner of this fine league, I have decided to change my official title. Effective immediately, the title of Commissioner will henceforth be known as Supreme Chief Commandant Director-Master Administrator-Governor of Bavaro Supervision, Or S.C.C.D.M.A.G.B.S. McNamara.
I want to give a big thank you to everyone that made this possible, mainly this page: “50 Synonyms for ‘Leader'” on Daily Writing Tips. Go take a look, it’s as boring as you might think. Like a dictionary. Or thesaurus.
Just as a reminder, PAY YOUR FUCKING DUES. Anyone who hasn’t paid their dues by the end of the regular season will forcibly removed from the Mark Bavaro League. This is a league of Extraordinary managers, not GM’s-who-pay-their-dues-late-and-are-only-ordinary–hold the extra.
The 2016 Capital Punishment Enactment
The regular season play is officially 75% finished (it’s actually 76.923077% finished, only counting game days–not including day by day…Literally 10-games/13-games= 76.923077%).
Any-who, I’d like to pose a few considerations as this season nears its end. As the league’s representative–elected to be the spoken voice of the league’s concerns, I ask the managers to discuss with me on a couple of hot issues.
First and foremost, Jim must take the bus. I think we all agree that Jim cannot draft unless he has served his penance. Otherwise, we must look into other manager options. I know that the offense coordinator in the Gowen house-hold, Matty Ice, is looking for a Head Coaching or GM position.
Secondly, regarding Jimmy, we have given him opportunities time and time again. The Gammond Administration allowed that the bus be moved from Ohio to Eerie, and then Eerie to Pittsburgh. I even offered up the keys to my apartment–should he want a night of rest before heading home–or I’d host him if I were living in Pittsburgh. To show the new, strong hand of discipline of this administration, we must convey that this egregious bus-avoidance will not be tolerated. I hold that a smaller, supplemental pnunishment be enforced. Maybe Jim wear a dress on the bus, or go hammered, or wear a shirt that says, “I lost Bavaro Fantasy Football.”
Thirdly, we must discuss a deadline for Jim’s bus adventure, in addition to how his punishment will be embursed.
The 2017 Punishment
The last issue I want to keep fresh in your minds is the spray painting of Bavaro’s 10th Place Manager’s skin.
Unfortunately for whomever loses (Dave), due to the catastrophic lack of implementation of Jim’s 12 hour bus-sentence, we must ensure that this issue never occur again. That is why the league will require the punishment be served before next year’s draft–only allowing for extreme extenuating circumstances will there be any sort of tolerance–and any excuses must be approved by a 75% vote of managers, with atleast a six manager quoroum. I can promise you that during my tenure as SCCDMAGBS, I will never let last year’s administrative collapse happen again.
Ok we need to figure out where to get a spray tan, when that person is getting it, how much it will cost, what color to choose, how permanent we want it, and whether or not we want to write something on the person’s body (I.e. like tape the word “bavaro” to to the loser’s back so that when the tan is done, weremove the tape so it says ‘bavaro’ in pale ass letters).
I know a lot of people wanted new divisions this year, but it couldnt happen because we couldn’t swing the caucus vote–plus some liked their rivalries, and the DFC is a madhouse.
Anyway, I put our names in a radnomizer and refreshed it 10 times. The first 5 names would be in the DFC, and the last 5 names would be in the PFC. Of course, this is all just conjecture and is hypotheical for now. We have time to discuss. Peep–there’s a suprise ending.
Just learned how to do this and really wanted to give it a go. Anyway, if we don’t like them or don’t think they’re different enough they can obviously be changed, but the randomizer split the divisions:
That is all for tonight. It has been a pleasure serving as your commissioner so far. I hope this sparks some debate and discussion. Love when the MBL group chat is active. I am always trying to improve Bavaro, which is seemingly a fool’s errand because Bavaro is already flawless.
Remember to do your pets a favor, get them nuetered and spade.
See you all next week at Friday Fastiggi Fight Night.
Supreme Chief Commandant Director-Master Administrator-Governor of Bavaro Supervision of the Mark Bavaro League