Last Regular Season Power Rankings

Absolutely loved the regular season. Love being your commissioner, and I love this league. And I appreciate the guys who read this every week, even though it isn’t the best weekly content, it’s filled with love, and that is what counts. And also I am in first…that defintely helps with motivation. I wonder if I would keep up with this if I was in Dave’s spot. Probably, I love this league too much to the point where I think I am becoming a #BavaroWinner, but a #RealLifeLoser.

Just before we begin, I have decided that the icon for our lovely league shall be a picture of the reigning, defending champion, as they deserve the title being the face of our league. The beef face icon is in full effect.

Current Crap:

Final Regular Szn Power Rankings Overall Rankings/Standings
1st Michael Michael Gowen 1st Sean
2nd Sean 2nd Alex
3rd Alex 3rd Michael
4th Mark 4th Scamming Gammond
5th Conor 5th Marky Mark
T-6th Mead 6th Jimbo
T-6th Chris 7th Mr. Meedee
8th Jim 8th Chris Korn
9th Pete 9th Reef and Beef
10th David Elenor 10th David Elenor Tan Groff
1st Alex 1st Sean
2nd Jim 2nd Michael Michael Gowen
T-3rd Chris 2nd Conor
T-3rd Pete 2nd Mark
5th David Elenor 5th Mead
1st Sean 1,117
2nd Michael Michael Gowen 1,1106
3rd Mead 1,077
4th Alex 1,053
5th Chris the Kornheiser 1,036
6th Conor 1,014
7th Reef and Beef 994
8th Marky Mark 955
9th Jimbo 954
10th David 849

1st) Chaz Michael Michael Gowen (6-6)

…skates his way to the top of the rankings. I am about 90% sure he’ll make the playoffs, though he is 6-6 and has to play Mead, who is on a hot streak. I think Mike’s team is the best because he has just barely fewer points than me, and a LOT more points against me.

Yes, Mike is on a two game losing streak, but both weeks were heartbreaking losses. All you can ask for is 110+ point games, which his last two were. His team is hot right now, ad I think he is gonna make a run in the playoffs.

2nd) The Commish (9-3)

Throwing my self at second because, yes I am doing well, but I am pessimistic. To start, my Redskins players shat the bed this Thursday, so I definitely might lose. Secondly, Kareem Hunt is not a weekly starter, and now I have to choose between Samaje Perine, Kenyon Drake, Tevin Coleman, and Frank Gore as a low-end RB2. And Lesean, AJ green, and Keenan Allen are super inconsistent. Basically I need em to stay hot.

I grew out the palyoff mustache for the run:

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 5.56.41 AM

Unfortunately, at that angle, I look like Ben McAdoo so I am a little worried about the playoffs.

How I actually look vs. How I think I look

3rd) Alex (8-4)

Could not put Alex first or second because of his “win” against the crapshoot Dave Groff. Alex scathed by and just put up a few teams. Like my team, everyone is super inconsistent on Alex’s squad.

Alex actually only has the 4th most points. He has only one game of 100+ points, six games of under 90 points, and six games at the 90+ point mark. So he’s all over the place. Huge matchup for Chris, though it doesn’t really affect Alex as he definitely makes it to the semifinals no matter what.

4th) Mark (6-6)

I know Marky Mark’s team sits only at 6-6 with only the 7th most points (955), his 3 game hot streak has landed him at the 5th place spot in the playoff bracket, currently. Though that could change, Mark has reason to be optimistic as his team got hot at the right time.

Though I don’t love the players on his team, they keep producing–it’s hard to argue with the numbers. Mark scored 93, 109, and 112 points during his recent 3 game win streak, averaging 104.666666666667 per outing.

It’s a good time for Big Ben to get hot.

5th) Conor (6-6)

Conor’s monstrous game propelled him to a 4th place spot in the current playoff bracket. Though 171 points is just an incomprehensible amount, I have Conor at 5th because I don’t think he’ll thrive in the playoffs–though it is looking like he’ll make it in the bracket (currently 4th).

To start, anyone that sends this text cannot win our league:

Conors text lol

Literally, wtf were you thinking when you typed that out. I think you meant: Most points in a single game, weed guy.

Secondly, Julio Jones before this game was the 15th WR. His huge game put him all the way up at 3rd. Julio Jones is not gonna do anything near that ever again…I honestly think it might just be a one and done type game… a stat booster.

Joe Mixon’s first good game of the year! Yay! He won’t suck the rest of the year! oh wait, he will.

Lastly, this prick has a favorable schedule the last few weeks, but throws picks like a motherfucker and never does well for a long string of games:

I dare him to get 28 points again. Alvin Kamara… yeah, he’s good. There’s your bright spot.

T-6th) Mead 

Mead and Chris’s team are tied because they are so similar of team’s. They both are so boom or bust, both have solid names on their teams, both are 5-7 and both have tough games this last week to try and thwart them into the playoffs and out of punishment potential.

Mead’s inconstancy the last three games: 51 points, 126 points, 115 points. Literally will have an awful week, and then score almost 2.5x more the next week.

Also, Mead said just a few words that shook the entire league for a few hours, only to find out were all really, really dumb and never counted:

Mead's text lol

T-6th) Chris

Everything you need to know about Chris’s team was said in Mead’s column. Once ranked #1 in the Power Rankings, the inconsistency of his squad has caused him to fall. It’s the curse of first, I tell ya…everyone loses when they’re put first.

Anyway, Chris’s team and Mead’s team both have been inconsistent, causing them to be middle of the pack with serious upside. Both could get into the playoffs. Chris’s last 8 games just show the inconsistency:

  • Week 5: 66 pts
  • Wk 6: 115 pts
  • Wk 7:  114 pts
  • Wk 8: 74 pts
  • Wk 9:  111 pts
  • Wk 10: 122 pts
  • Wk 11: 65 pts
  • Wk 12: 70 pts

AKA: super low, very high, very high, very low, very high, super high, super low, very low.

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 5.11.58 AM

The line graph looks  like a child scribbling with a crayon.

Nervous though about Chris’s team this week: he’s risking it to get the biscuit, starting Josh McCown, Cooper Kupp, and McCaffrey over Devonta Freeman. Let’s goooooo Barn.

8th) Jim (6-6)

Jim is in the playoffs right now, but he just hasn’t scored well at all lately. Jim is 9th in points (954) and is on a downwards trend. Since week 7, his squad has averaged only 70.33333 points per game. Jim only has one game in the 100+ point category, and only two in the 90+ area–everything else is under that.

I literally do not know how he has scathed by to 6th. Getting knocked out of the playoffs is very possible for Jim, though I hope he beats Conor.

Screen Shot 2017-10-24 at 7.40.12 PM


9th) Pete

Abysmal. I don’t think I need to explain the meltdown that happened to Beeeeeef after losing O’dell, A-Rog, and Zeke. Huge game against Dave will secure him out of the punishment, but a playoff birth is very unlikely.

Coincidence? I THINK NOT. That’s an “incredible” references for all you uneducated monkeys.


I cant figure out how to embed this god damn thing.

10th) Dave

Last in points, last in record, last in Beef appearances. Maybe the spray tan will give that florida glow we were all expecting him to come back with after Freshman year.

Screen Shot 2017-10-24 at 7.40.00 PM
Me and my best friend, we’re all misunderstood. They say we TAN for nothing and, there’s no way we ever could

See some of you in the playoffs. Got some mighty content in store for the future.

Published by

Seany Mac

bless me father for I have Sinnn-amon toast crunch every morning for breakfast

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