Week 4 Rankings: Nurse Fastiggi is Elbow Deep in Chris Fastiggi, D-TrainWreck, and Conor’s Sex Face

Okay first of all, sorry to the boys for being MIA this weekend. Lost my phone on friday. Found it broken on saturday. Got a new one on Monday.

Paige apparently knocked on my house door and no one got the door. I defintely wasnt home. She said she knocked because she saw that my car was home, but Ive been driving bridget’s car because my car is literally like a dumpster fire, waiting to be lit. Seriously, the amount of old fast food in there could feed New York’s homeless for a week. Not that they’d be eating that food, just saying there’s a lot of it.

Secondly, all of the week 4 winners scored 100 points or more. Facts. Mine may have just hit the list with 100, but imagined stats are imagined stats. The differnce between seasons last year and this year, considering it was impossible for any team to get hot last year, and this year it’s like everyone is scoring in the hundo’s.

They key is who can consistently bring it to the table…that is what get’s the Dubs…and that’s pretty much everything these rankings are based on. Here we go.



1. Conor

unnamed (2)

Why does conor always make this face after he fucks someone????

Need to get it together has turned into need to keep it together as Conor has found himself on top of the power rankings and leaderboads.

While you might ask yourself, “Wait how isnt alex #1?  ” Sheer consistency. Conor is hot in the streets. Here are their scores last four weeks:

Playaaaaaas Wk1 Score Wk2 Score Wk 3 Score Wk 4 Score
Conor 74 101 117 116
Alex 132 95 91 114

No doubt Alex is putting up noombers, but ya just cant ignore Conor scoring >101 points since week 2.

2. Alex

Alex Dominated Chris like a puppet master dominates a puppet.

unnamed (1)
squint and you can barely see chris

Now, now, this isnt knocking Alexander the Queen.Nurse Fastiggi is doing the exact opposite of what a nurse does. A nurse helps people, Nurse Fastiggi is leaving every team for dead. Alex giving out cough drops to treat stab wounds and isnt regretting it.  Right on Conor’s tail is the exact opposite of “The underdog” so long as Alvin Kamara keeps putting up numbers. Word is that he is getting offensive player of the month.

Only team that is 4-0. If 91 is your lowest score than you are in good shape.

3. Mike

Oh, how the Mikey have fallen. A brutal outing of 67 points could have been worth two losses against man dimes 152 points.

But everyone has bad weeks. Considering his first 3 games he put up 109, 104, and then 118, you can be sure that he is gonna keep putting up numbers and be in contention for a top seed. Also, he did all this with leveon bell out. And word is that he is gonna be coming back.

4. Don’t Four-get your boy.

Okay for the 4th spot I initially looked at all the 2-2 teams, and when I didnt love them for 4th, I compared us to the 1-3 teams. Putting myself 4th is solely due to consistency. Here are the 2-2 teams scores over the last four weeks:

Playaaaaas Wk1 Wk2 Wk3 Wk4
Jim 87 89 106 78
Chris 75 130 86 82
Sean 92 101 92 100

Jim and Chris…. you don’t know what you’re gonna get.

Choppin down the competition!

5. Jimmy G

And we aint talking that ACL tearin cuck Goroppolo.

Honestly, it’s as if Jim and Chris’s weekly scores we’re switched. If you look at solely their 4 scores, the put up very similar numbers. HOWEVER, I have Jim with the slight edge for a few reasons. For starters, Jim is trending upwards. Also,  Jim wrongfully believed in Fitz-Tragic, and if he put in Deshaun, he’d have scored 106 points.

While it was a good week for Deshaun and you know he isn’t going to score 31 points a week and also you cant consider how bench points do, Deshaun has scored 31, 24, 22 in the last 3 weeks. Jim subs d-wat in, with a W next week, he might be 3rd. But jim is Jim, kid loves bonehead risks so we shall see.

Jim’s non 100+ scores are higher than Chris’s non-100+ scores (87 89 78, compared to 86, 86 75).

Also, Jim has head to head record.

6. Pete

What?!?!?? you just talked about Chris forever?? Why the hell is Pete ahead of Chris.

Playaaaaas Wk1 Wk2 Wk3 Wk4
Chris 75 130 86 82
Pete 119 73 75 119


See above. Chris has been okay, obviously his 130 points win was eye opening, but a lot of the league’s teams have a crazy high score. I mean, how often is an 86 or an 82 worth a garunteed win? not often. I have Pete ahead of Chris because I’d rather take my luck with a team that is the Desean Jackson of Fantasy getting 119 points or mid 70’s, rather than a team that’s like Doug Baldwin or Dolphins’ Jarvis landry getting an ok score of mid 80’s each week.

What I am trying to say is Chris has more scores that are consistently higher, but Chris has gotta be a little worried since he knows the mid 80 point scores  arent enough for a W’s. Pete would be 2-2 if he didnt play Alex week 1. Yes it’s unlucky and that is just what happens, but it becomes about scoring enough points to get a garunteed win, and Pete has 2 of those and Chris has 1.

7. Chris

See Above.

Reminder of what you quickly scrolled past before:

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squint and you can barely see chris


8. Dave-ja vu

D-Train wreck


After a monstrous week 1, D-Train jinxed himself with a bad omen after week 1. I specifically recall big D saying “I was the highest scorer in week 1 last year but we all know how that ended.”

Though he scored in the 90’s this week at the end of his 3 game losing streak, one must wonder, should Dave be worried as he is losing James Conner soon?

Probs not because of ingram. But still… 3 game losing streak…. groff needs a W.

9. Mark

Man dime came out of the mountains to beat who many thought was sitting nicely on top. Mikey G thought he was walking in to a garunteed dub since anyteam that puts up a 51 point week has gotta be a losing squad.

WRONG. Finally mark’s team comes to play and gets 152 points. He’d have beaten Mike 2x over. But I got him at 9th because his track record aint pretty. Despite having a game with the most points scored in the league, he still has the least points scored at 51. Talk about no consistency.

I would say to Mark to prove me wrong next week and score a lot so he’d be higher in the rankings, but he’s playing me. So pls dont do that. I’d love to play a 51 point scoring man dime team.

10. WorstE inE theE leagueE

Stinks. Moving to 1-3. Averaging 83 points a game thanks to his only 100 point game/dub. While Chris and Mead would have two very different looking records if one beat the other in week 3 (Chris beat Mead 86-85), my point about consistency stands. Chris also is averaging 93.5 pts per game.


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Seany Mac

bless me father for I have Sinnn-amon toast crunch every morning for breakfast

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